Marriage takes work, and some habits can really damage the relationship over time. When spouses develop negative patterns, their marriage often suffers and might even fall apart.
Understanding these harmful behaviors is the first step to avoiding them or making positive changes in your relationship.
1. Silent Treatment Masters
Shutting down communication when things get tough creates a wall between partners that grows taller with each silent day. Instead of talking through problems, these spouses withdraw completely, leaving their partner confused and hurt.
This emotional abandonment sends a clear message: “Your feelings don’t matter enough for me to engage.” Over time, the relationship becomes a lonely place for the person constantly left guessing what went wrong.
The silent partner might think they’re avoiding conflict, but they’re actually creating a much deeper one that festers beneath the surface. This habit gradually erodes trust and intimacy until the relationship feels empty.
2. Criticism Collectors
Nothing ever meets their standards – from how dinner was cooked to how the bills were paid. These spouses keep a mental scorecard of every mistake, bringing up past failures during new arguments like collecting trophies.
“Remember when you forgot our anniversary three years ago?” becomes their battle cry during completely unrelated disagreements. Their partner eventually feels like they’re walking on eggshells, afraid to make any move that might be added to the ever-growing list of disappointments.
This constant criticism creates an atmosphere where appreciation vanishes and resentment flourishes. Partners of criticism collectors often report feeling inadequate and defeated no matter how hard they try.
3. Phone Zombies
Date night? Perfect time to scroll through social media! These spouses are physically present but mentally somewhere in cyberspace. Their phones become extensions of their hands, and screen time consistently trumps face time.
When their partner speaks, they offer a distracted “hmm” while their thumbs keep tapping away. Special moments slip by unnoticed as they’re too busy documenting life rather than living it.
The message this sends is devastating: whatever is happening on that small screen is more important than the person sitting across from them. Partners of phone zombies often feel invisible and unimportant, wondering why they bothered to show up at all.
4. Financial Secret-Keepers
Money talks – but not in their marriage. These spouses hide purchases, maintain secret accounts, or rack up debt without their partner’s knowledge. The discovery of these financial secrets often hits harder than the actual spending.
Trust crumbles when a partner finds out about the hidden shopping habit or the maxed-out credit card that was never mentioned. What hurts most isn’t just the money – it’s the deception and the realization that major decisions were made without consultation.
Financial infidelity creates insecurity about the future and raises questions about what else might be hidden. Many marriages have collapsed under the weight of financial secrets that grew too heavy to bear.
5. Affection Withholders
Remember those days of hand-holding and random kisses? Affection withholders have turned those memories into ancient history. Physical touch becomes a bargaining chip or punishment tool rather than a natural expression of love.
These spouses rarely initiate hugs, kisses, or intimate moments unless they want something in return. The starved partner begins to feel unwanted and unattractive, questioning if they’re still desirable. Small gestures of warmth that once came easily are now rare occurrences.
Studies show that physical touch releases bonding hormones crucial for relationship satisfaction. Without this regular connection, partners often report feeling more like roommates than lovers, with emotional distance growing alongside the physical gap.
6. Responsibility Dodgers
“That’s not my job” becomes their unofficial motto as they sidestep adult responsibilities at every turn. These spouses conveniently forget tasks, claim incompetence, or simply refuse to handle their fair share of household duties or parenting.
Their partners become default managers of everything from bill payments to doctor appointments to emotional labor. The burden creates exhaustion and frustration for the responsible spouse who feels more like a parent than a partner.
When confronted, responsibility dodgers often respond with excuses or temporary improvements that quickly fade. This imbalance creates a power dynamic where one partner carries the weight while the other enjoys freedom from adult obligations.
Many marriages collapse under this unfair distribution of life’s everyday demands.
7. Privacy Invaders
Passwords? Phone records? Private conversations? Nothing is off-limits to these suspicious spouses who believe marriage means complete access to every aspect of their partner’s life.
They check messages while their partner showers and interrogate them about every unrecognized number in their call history. This constant surveillance creates a prison-like atmosphere where trust is replaced by investigation.
The monitored spouse begins hiding innocent interactions just to avoid exhausting explanations. Friends may even distance themselves, uncomfortable with the knowledge that everything they say might be scrutinized by an untrusting partner.
Healthy marriages balance closeness with respect for individual boundaries. Privacy invaders destroy this balance, often pushing their partners further away with each invasion.
8. Apology Avoiders
“I’m sorry you feel that way” is as close as these spouses ever get to a genuine apology. They twist conversations to avoid taking responsibility, turning their mistakes into their partner’s problem for being upset about it.
When confronted with clear evidence of wrongdoing, they deflect with counter-accusations or minimize the impact of their actions. Their partners eventually stop expecting accountability, knowing it will never come.
This creates a one-sided relationship where only one person ever acknowledges mistakes or works to repair damage. The inability to sincerely apologize reflects a deeper issue: pride matters more than the relationship’s health. Partners of apology avoiders often report feeling gaslighted and questioning their own perceptions of reality.
9. Dream Crushers
“That’s never going to happen” becomes their automatic response to their spouse’s hopes and ambitions. These negative partners shoot down ideas before they have a chance to develop, using practicality as a weapon against enthusiasm.
When their spouse shares excitement about a potential career change, hobby, or personal goal, dream crushers immediately point out all possible obstacles. The hopeful partner soon stops sharing their aspirations, keeping dreams private to protect them from being demolished.
This creates a relationship where growth feels impossible. Marriage should be a safe space where dreams are nurtured, not a battlefield where they’re destroyed. Partners of dream crushers often pursue their goals in secret or abandon them entirely, creating parallel lives instead of shared ones.
10. Comparison Kings and Queens
“My friend’s husband never forgets birthdays” or “My colleague’s wife makes twice your salary” – these spouses constantly measure their partner against others. No achievement stands on its own merit; everything becomes a competition their partner is losing.
These harmful comparisons extend to everything from parenting styles to career achievements to physical appearance. The compared spouse feels they’re perpetually falling short of an impossible standard.
Former sources of pride become tainted by the knowledge that, in their partner’s eyes, someone else always does it better. This habit reveals a fundamental lack of appreciation for what makes their partner unique.
Many compared spouses eventually find themselves wondering why their partner didn’t just marry the supposedly superior person they’re always being measured against.
