The term “hypergamy” is tossed around a lot today, especially in online dating circles.
It basically stands for marrying up, or seeking a socio who’s of a higher social or economic estado.
Some people think it’s an instinctual drive to rank up, while others see it as a result of modern dating culture. So, which is it?
Climbing the Social Ladder
Hypergamy is a desire to seek out a partner who’s above you in some way – financially, socially, or look-wise.
It’s a matter of hierarchy, where people aim to level up in life through their relationships.
When talked about, it’s usually centered around money, but it’s more about security and power.
Though it’s mostly tied to women, men have the hypergamous tendency, too. However, the things they mean to achieve with it are typically different.
According to the internet, women might seek partners with a higher status and more money, because they hope to feel protected and provided for.
Men, on the other hand, seek beauty and women who are younger than them.
Both are considered to be part of our natural drive to survive and create a legacy.
Hypergamy in Practice
In history, hypergamy was often reflected in women marrying into wealth or higher social classes, like royal marriages and alliances among noble families.
The value of these marriages was tied to the political and economic gain.
Today, this tendency is subtle but still present. Dating apps, social media, and even our social circles all subtly push us to seek “better” options.
What we might gain from a potential partner still drives a lot of our dating choices; it’s just dressed up differently, and we’re less willing to admit it.
The idea remains: we want someone who elevates our lives and status, and secures our future.
Hypergamy in History
Looking back, hypergamy was mostly tied to supervivencia y social positioning.
Women didn’t have many options other than marriage, so they were inclined to make the most of it and marry someone who could make their lives easier and more secure.
Royalty and aristocrats relied on hypergamy to maintain power and land.
We can think of it as the social currency that keeps the hierarchy intact.
Even in more recent history, like Victorian England or the Gilded Age, people still aimed to “marry well.”
Consumerism and Modern Dating
Consumerism is a vice most of us give in to, and it’s entered our love lives, too.
We tend to regard potential romantic partners as luxury items; we want the best one, the most successful, and the best looking.
Even people who are already in relationships occasionally choose to upgrade and switch their partner for someone who has more to offer.
Especially with the rise of dating apps, people have started to look at each other as commodities, and hypergamy feeds into that mindset.
That’s why many modern relationships feel so transactional.
All of this makes love feel almost like a hustle, rather than something emotional and meaningful.
How It Kills True Romance
Evidently, hypergamy has been present throughout history, so why are we so bothered by it now?
I think it comes down to choice.
In the past, people, especially women, had no way to sustain themselves other than to rely on a stable, successful partner.
Love wasn’t a priority because survival was.
Right now, we have all the choices in the world. Women and men have access to higher education and endless career options.
Not to mention, the economic status you come from doesn’t mean much; you can become successful by your merit alone.
Finally, after all this time, romance and love can be authentic. So, why do so many people still go with hypergamy?
Is It a Natural Instinct?
Is hypergamy innate, or is it just social conditioning?
Evolutionary psychologists argue that seeking high-status mates has roots in our survival instincts. We’re wired to prioritize better resources, safety, and potential offspring.
But cultural influences might shape how openly we pursue it.
Así que.., it’s a mix. Nature may give us the urge, but culture fuels it and makes it more obvious.
Hypergamy in Pop Culture
Pop culture tirelessly promotes hypergamy. Movies, TV shows, celebrities and influencers – they all promote the idea that love and monetary gain go hand in hand.
Think of romantic dramas, where the main love interest has to either be rich from the start or get rich later.
It’s like the romance between two middle-class people doesn’t really interest anyone.
Social media glamorizes wealth and luxury lifestyles, making us crave that kind of status.
That’s how we’re conditioned to always compare and strive for the next best thing, never truly satisfied with what we have now.
How to Stop?
Is it even possible to resist hypergamy?
Of course it is! We’re incredibly intelligent as a species, and we’re more than able to resist anything that doesn’t directly hinder our survival or safety.
Though “dating up” might be a natural drive, it’s possible to sidestep it with awareness, and many people do.
Recognizing that we’re often led to chase superficial qualities can make us more mindful about our choices.
Instead of succumbing to pop culture’s idea of success, we can choose to focus on authenticity and shared values.
If we want genuine relationships, we need to focus on the people who make us feel loved, cared for, and secure, even if they don’t have a fortune.
A little Aquarius, devoted to writing and embroidery. Through my writing, I hope to empower readers to align with their true selves and navigate life’s mysteries with confidence.