Some things we say to our partners may seem insignificant on the surface, but when repeated too often, they can impact our relationship more than we think.
Being in a relationship requires comunicación saludable, and when your feelings are concealed by some of the following phrases, they might damage your relationship without you even realizing it.
1. “I’m fine.”
This phrase may seem straightforward, yet in relationships, it frequently signifies the contrary. When you’re upset and say “I’m fine,” it makes it harder to talk to you.
It tells your partner not to ask questions or be careful around you. Over time, this makes people feel distant from each other, and problems build up instead of being solved.
Even if you don’t want to fight, being honest in little ways, like saying “I need a minute” or “I’m upset, but we’ll talk,” makes the connection stronger.
2. “You always…”
“You always” is the beginning of a statement that puts your partner on the defensive right away. It gives them a title that they might not agree with and makes them feel like they can’t win.
Even if you’re upset, using words like “always” or “never” makes the problem seem worse and makes a tiny error seem like an attack on their character. This slowly erodes respect over time.
If you say things like “When this happened, I felt…” instead, your spouse will be more likely to listen to you.
3. “It’s not a big deal.”
When you downplay your own sentiments or ignore your partner’s worries, you are telling them that feelings are not important.
What seems small at the time could show bigger problems with trust, respect, or priorities. When you say “it’s not a big deal,” you close the door to closeness because it trains you both to overlook critical signs.
Feelings that aren’t talked about don’t go away; they just stay buried. This makes hatred build over time. Even if you don’t want to share how serious the sentiment is, it’s better to admit it.
4. “Whatever.”
“Whatever” is one of those sentences that sounds rude even when you don’t mean it. It stops the talk without fixing anything, and your partner feels like you don’t care.
It gives the idea that you are indifferent about their sentiments or that the connection isn’t worth the work. It might seem like a simple way to avoid a fight right now, but it only makes things worse.
Changing it to “Let’s talk later when we’re calmer” keeps respect and the relationship alive.
5. “Why can’t you be more like…”
Even when they are meant to motivate or are disguised, comparisons are harmful. When you say things like “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “My friend’s partner does this,” you are telling your spouse that they aren’t good enough.
It makes them feel like they aren’t a good match for you and makes them jealous instead of helping them improve. Comparing yourself to others over time hurts your self-esteem and closeness.
Instead of blaming others, say what you need directly: “I’d feel loved if you could…” This maintains the spotlight on your connection, not someone else’s.
6. “Calm down.”
Telling your partner to “calm down” almost never works. Instead, it often makes emotions stronger since it makes your partner feel like their feelings are not real. It is a term that does not help.
It makes your spouse feel like they can’t express their feelings or that they are being condemned for doing so. Relationships grow when people feel valued, not when they are ignored.
A better option is to say what you see: “I can tell this is bothering you; let’s take a break and talk it over.” That makes it possible to find a solution.
7. “If you really loved me…”
Even when spoken as a joke, this sentence is a way to control someone’s feelings. It makes love feel more like a business deal than something real.
This hurts trust over time because love gets linked to testing and guilt instead of care and respect. Your partner should never have to “prove” their love like that. Say what you need openly instead: “I’d feel cared for if you…”
This gets rid of the trap of manipulation and makes room for real connection.
8. “We don’t need to talk about it.”
Not talking to one another could keep the peace for a while, but it slowly forms a wall between lovers. “We don’t need to talk about it” limits closeness since relationships need to be open.
Over time, critical problems get buried and come back in ways that are tougher to deal with. Avoidance also encourages your partner to hide their own feelings, which makes them feel distant.
Even if the subject is hard to talk about, agreeing to talk about it again later demonstrates that you want to develop. Silence doesn’t help, but open communication does.
Born and raised in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Ever since I was a little girl, my imagination knew no bounds. I remember vividly how I’d scribble down short stories, each page bursting with adventures and characters conjured up from the whimsy of my mind. These stories weren’t just for me; they were my way of connecting with my friends, offering them a slice of my fantasy world during our playtimes. The joy and excitement on their faces as we dived into my fictional realms motivated me to keep writing. This early passion for storytelling naturally evolved into my pursuit of writing, turning a childhood hobby into a fulfilling career.