Ever feel like you and your partner are just going through the motions? Emotional intimacy is what turns a so-so relationship into something amazing.
It’s that special closeness where you both feel safe, understood, and truly connected. Let me share some fun and practical ways to build that deeper bond with your partner.
1. Play ‘Remember When’ Games
Nothing brings couples closer than laughing about that time you got lost on vacation or when you both tried to cook a fancy dinner that ended up as takeout. Set aside a night each month for reminiscing with photos, old texts, or ticket stubs from dates.
My partner and I keep a jar of memory prompts on our coffee table. Whenever we’re feeling disconnected, we pull one out: “Remember our first apartment?” Suddenly we’re giggling about that terrible green carpet!
These shared memories create a special language only the two of you understand, strengthening your unique bond.
2. Create a Secret Language
Remember how exciting it was having secret codes as a kid? Bring that playfulness into your relationship! Develop inside jokes, special phrases, or even silly hand signals that mean something only to you two.
My husband and I have a subtle eyebrow raise that means “Can we leave this party now?” It makes us feel like secret agents on a mission together. We’ve also named our moods after different celebrities – saying “I’m feeling very Betty White today” means I’m feeling sassy but sweet.
These private communications create a world that belongs exclusively to your relationship.
3. Try the 36 Questions Experiment
Science has actually created a formula for falling in deeper love! The famous 36 Questions study shows that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. These questions start easy (“What would constitute a perfect day for you?”) and gradually get more personal.
We tried this on our anniversary last year. By question 22, my partner was sharing childhood dreams he’d never told anyone! The final step is staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes – awkward at first but surprisingly powerful.
Don’t rush through all 36 at once. Try three questions weekly for a regular intimacy boost.
4. Schedule Ridiculous Debate Nights
Forget boring date nights! Pick hilariously unimportant topics and passionately defend opposing sides. “Are hot dogs sandwiches?” or “Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?”
Last month, my partner and I spent an hour debating whether dinosaurs would make good pets. We laughed until we cried when he presented a PowerPoint on T-Rex apartment training techniques!
These silly arguments let you practice disagreeing in a fun way. You’ll learn about each other’s thinking patterns and values while building communication skills that help during real disagreements. Plus, the creative absurdity creates lasting memories!
5. Take Turns Being Mind Readers
Here’s a fun challenge: spend a day trying to anticipate your partner’s needs before they ask. Maybe make their favorite snack right when they’re getting hungry or queue up that show they’ve been wanting to watch.
My wife once packed my favorite candy for a long meeting day without me mentioning I was nervous about it. That small gesture made me feel incredibly seen and understood.
The magic happens when you both play. You’ll start paying closer attention to subtle cues and habits. Even when you guess wrong, the conversation about what they actually wanted creates deeper understanding. It’s like emotional detective work!
6. Share Your Embarrassing Spotify Playlists
Everyone has music they secretly love but would never admit to in public. Revealing your guilty pleasure songs creates instant vulnerability and usually leads to hilarious confessions!
I nearly fell off the couch when my tough-guy husband revealed his extensive collection of 90s boy band hits. We ended up having an impromptu living room concert, complete with terrible choreography attempts.
Make a joint playlist combining both your secret favorites. These musical confessions often lead to stories about your past – like how that Backstreet Boys song reminds him of his first crush or why that cheesy love ballad still makes you cry.
7. Play the Appreciation Game
Ever notice how easy it is to point out what annoys you but forget to mention what you love? Try this game: each day, text your partner one specific thing you appreciated about them in the last 24 hours.
The key is being super specific! Not just “thanks for making dinner” but “I loved how you remembered to make the sauce less spicy for me.” My favorite was when my partner thanked me for laughing at his joke during a stressful family dinner.
The best part? Your brain starts actively looking for things to appreciate throughout the day, completely changing how you see your relationship!
8. Create a Shared Bucket List Wall
Dedicate a wall in your home to dreams you want to accomplish together! Use sticky notes, photos, or a chalkboard to visualize everything from “learn to make sushi” to “visit the Grand Canyon.”
The magic happens when you categorize dreams by timeline – this month, this year, or someday. My partner and I color-code ours: green for adventure, blue for skills, pink for relationship milestones. Finding out my practical partner secretly wants to learn circus trapeze was a delightful surprise!
Update it regularly during wine nights, celebrating completed dreams and adding new ones. It creates ongoing conversations about your future together.
9. Take the ‘What If’ Time Machine
Playing “What If” games creates surprising emotional connections! Ask each other hypothetical questions about your past, present, and future. “What if we had met in high school?” or “What if we moved to a tropical island?”
These seemingly silly questions reveal values, fears, and dreams. When my partner asked what I’d do if we won the lottery, I learned he’d want to start a dog rescue – something he’d never mentioned before!
The best questions are slightly absurd but meaningful. “If we were superheroes, what would our powers be and would we be a good team?” His answer showed me how he sees our complementary strengths in a way regular conversations never revealed.
10. Become Skill-Swap Teachers
Everyone has something they’re good at that their partner hasn’t mastered. Becoming each other’s teachers creates vulnerability, patience, and new appreciation. The key is choosing skills where roles are reversed from your usual dynamic.
My mechanically-challenged wife taught me to knit, while I showed her how to change a tire. Seeing her confidence in her element and her patience with my fumbling fingers completely shifted how we see each other.
The fumbling and mistakes lead to laughter and new inside jokes. Plus, mastering something together creates a shared sense of accomplishment that strengthens your bond in unexpected ways!
