People generally care about how others perceive them. We grow and learn from feedback and can better understand how our behavior impacts those around us.
However, when our mindset is consumed by the “imagined judgment” of others instead of believing in our own values and happiness, we can inadvertently alter our behavior to gain acceptance or approval from others.
If you find yourself doing things differently or avoiding choices that you genuinely want to make as a result of outside approval, these ten daily patterns may help you identify your habits and begin to trust yourself more.
1. You Rewrite Simple Messages Again And Again
You will write out a message, read it, delete half of it, and rewrite it multiple times. You question if you may sound rude, weird, too interested, not interested enough, etc.
What should have taken you a couple of minutes sometimes takes hours because you are considering what others might interpret the message to mean.
Communicating thoughtfully is a good thing, but frequently rewriting or editing a text message typically stems from being concerned about being negatively judged by others.
If sending a casual text message feels like it was a public performance, chances are you have given the potential reactions of others more value than they deserve.
2. You Check Who Viewed Your Posts
You don’t just post and move on; you check to see who has liked your post, who has not liked it, and whether one specific person saw your newest post.
Based on how many likes or views you receive from other people, you may feel sad or angry. You may even delete a post if it does not receive enough likes within a certain amount of time. Comparing yourself to others is a naturally human characteristic.
Still, you may exhaust yourself by measuring your worth based on likes and views. If the reactions of others online determine whether or not you’re satisfied with things you’ve done for yourself, you’re letting other people’s opinions have more of an effect on how you feel about things than you realize.
3. You Explain Every Decision
If you have to have a lengthy explanation for your decisions (ex., changing jobs, declining invitations, purchasing something), you’re trying to justify your actions so people will accept your choices rather than have an unsolicited opinion regarding your choices.
If you need to justify all of your decisions, it may be because of your need to control what other people think. You may feel comfortable having to justify your choices to other people, but it can create uncertainty when others disapprove of your choices.
Sometimes being confident means realizing that others will never fully understand your reasoning.
4. You Change Your Opinion Depending On The Room
Depending on which audience you are around, you might have different viewpoints. Sometimes you will agree with a particular audience while supporting the opposite viewpoint around a different audience.
This doesn’t mean you are being disingenuous; in some cases, you may just be trying to avoid confrontation or rejection.
However, if you continually change your opinion to fit the opinion of a person who comes across, you may find it difficult to determine what you really believe.
5. You Feel Embarrassed Doing Things Alone
You may feel uncomfortable doing things by yourself, but it’s not because you dislike being alone; it’s due to the thought of other people judging you for being alone.
You may not go to places that you want to try because no one is available to go with you. Most of the people in the world will not give you as much of their time or energy as you think they will.
If you do not go out because of worry about what someone will think if they see you alone, the fear of being judged by a stranger may be keeping you from living your life.
6. One Negative Comment Ruins Ten Compliments
Although you can receive positive comments from ten people, only one negative comment will stand out in your mind and will be what you remember.
You then spend time replaying that negative comment in your mind and questioning whether all of the other people just told you what you wanted to hear. The reason that negative comments stick is that they feel much more important to us than positive comments.
Allowing one person’s comment to dictate how you feel about yourself is creating an imbalance in your thinking. While criticism can serve a valuable purpose, it does not need to dictate the truth of a situation.
7. You Buy Things To Impress People You Barely Like
There are times when you are making choices of what you are going to wear, drive, buy, go on vacation, eat, etc., based partly on how that item or experience will look to somebody else.
One of the more interesting aspects of this is that the people you are trying to impress may be people whom you do not even respect.
Wanting things is not necessarily a negative; however, if your desire for that item or experience would change if nobody saw you with it, then your desire to have that item is based upon the approval of others, rather than your own enjoyment.
8. You Say Yes Before Checking How You Feel
When somebody asks you to do a favor, invites you to an activity, or adds more responsibilities to your schedule, you typically respond sí immediately.
You then later find out that you are too tired or busy to complete the request, or did not want to complete the request after all. This automatic response comes from fear of disappointing the other person.
While being helpful to others is a positive trait of a person, when you consistently agree to help others, you run the risk of resenting that person or tiring yourself.
9. You Replay Awkward Moments For Years
When you think about an embarrassing thing you said or did five years ago, you will feel embarrassed again, as if it had just happened. You can expect that every other person who heard you will remember that comment as well.
In reality, none of the other people involved in that experience is likely to remember that experience or is too busy thinking about their own embarrassing experiences.
Many times, we relive the embarrassment of a mistake because we have overestimated how closely the people around us are watching us.
10. You Do Not Know What You Want
What would you wear if there were no trends? What would be your career choice if you had to impress no one? How would you spend your weekends if nobody knew you did anything?
If you allow the opinions of others to dictate your decisions about what you want, reconnecting with yourself is not as easy.
Try to listen to your inner guide for life, your inner voice, and make it the only voice that matters.
Born and raised in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Ever since I was a little girl, my imagination knew no bounds. I remember vividly how I’d scribble down short stories, each page bursting with adventures and characters conjured up from the whimsy of my mind. These stories weren’t just for me; they were my way of connecting with my friends, offering them a slice of my fantasy world during our playtimes. The joy and excitement on their faces as we dived into my fictional realms motivated me to keep writing. This early passion for storytelling naturally evolved into my pursuit of writing, turning a childhood hobby into a fulfilling career.