How to Love Yourself When You Were Taught Not To

If you were taught directly or subtly that you’re not enough, not lovable, not worthy, or just too much, then self-love probably feels more like a fantasy than a skill.

Maybe you grew up around people who criticized more than they hugged, who made love feel conditional, or who didn’t know how to love themselves either.

But guess what? You’re not broken, you’re just unpracticed. Loving yourself isn’t about staring in the mirror and chanting affirmations (though hey, that’s cute too). 

It’s about gently unlearning all the lies and choosing to treat yourself like someone who deserves care.

Because you do, so here are 8 simple, soul-nourishing ways to start loving yourself — even if no one ever taught you how.

1. Talk to Yourself Like You Would a 6-Year-Old You

Imagine you’re holding a photo of yourself as a little kid — big eyes, messy hair, probably missing a tooth.

Would you look at that child and say, “You’re not good enough” or “You’re so lazy”? Of course not. You’d protect them. Comfort them. Cheer for them.

That’s exactly how you should start talking to yourself now. Your inner critic might be loud, but your inner child is still listening, and they need love, not lectures.

So next time you mess up or feel down, try this: close your eyes, picture that 6-year-old version of you, and speak kindly.

Say, “It’s okay. You’re trying. I’m proud of you.” It feels weird at first, but it works. Because deep down, you’re not craving perfection, you’re craving compassion. Start giving it.

2. Celebrate Tiny Wins Like They’re Huge

Self-love isn’t just for big, bold accomplishments. It’s for brushing your teeth when you don’t feel like getting out of bed, for texting back when your anxiety says no.

For making yourself a meal instead of skipping another one. These “small” things? They’re actually massive. And the more you celebrate them, the more your brain learns, “Hey… maybe I am doing okay.”

So throw yourself a little mental party every time you show up, even if it’s messy, late, or awkward. Dance after doing the laundry. Toast your coffee cup when you make a tough phone call.

You don’t need permission to be proud of yourself. The more you hype yourself up, the more naturally self-love starts to grow. You’re not silly. You’re self-encouraging — and that’s powerful.

3. Stop Trying to Be “Good Enough” and Start Being Real

Let’s get honest: “Good enough” is a trap. Who gets to decide what that even means? A parent? An ex? A boss who didn’t see you? Nope.

You don’t need to hustle for your worth. You just need to be you. Real, raw, weird, wonderful you. Self-love starts when you stop filtering every word and move and finally allow yourself to just… exist. Flaws and all.

Perfection is boring anyway. Laugh too loud. Cry at TikToks. Wear what makes you feel powerful — not what’s “in.”

The world doesn’t need another perfect person. When you start showing up as your real self, something magical happens: people start loving the real you, and you start loving them right back — including yourself.

4. Unfollow People Who Make You Feel Like Crap

Your social media feed is your mental neighborhood — and if it’s full of people who make you feel less-than, it’s time for a clean-up.

That “perfect” influencer whose life looks filtered beyond belief? Gone. The acquaintance who only posts humblebrags that make you spiral? Bye.

Follow people who feel like a breath of fresh air, not a punch in the gut. Curate your feed the way you’d decorate your home: with care, comfort, and your own taste.

It’s not petty. It’s protection. Because every scroll shapes how you feel about yourself — and you deserve a feed that lifts you up, not tears you down.

Love yourself enough to choose peace over comparison. Your mind (and mood) will thank you.

5. Let Yourself Rest Without Earning It

You don’t have to hustle yourself into the ground before you “deserve” a break. Rest isn’t a reward — it’s a right.

But when you’ve been raised to believe productivity equals worth, it’s hard to lie down without guilt creeping in. Here’s the truth: your body and brain need rest just because they’re human.

Not because you checked 12 things off a list. So take the nap. Sit down with your coffee. Say no to one more task. You’re not lazy — you’re listening to your needs.

And every time you let yourself rest without guilt, you’re telling your inner self, “Hey, I matter, even when I’m not doing.” That’s love. That’s healing. And that’s powerful.

6. Let Your Needs Be Bigger Than Your Fears

Maybe you were taught that your needs are inconvenient. That asking for help is a weakness. That expressing feelings makes you dramatic.

But here’s the truth: your needs are not too much — they’re your compass. They guide you toward what keeps you safe, grounded, and fulfilled.

The fear of rejection or judgment might scream louder at first, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. Practice saying, “I need space,” “I need support,” “I need a break,” or even just “I need a hug.”

It’s not selfish. It’s human. The more you honor your needs, the more your self-worth expands. You’re not here to just survive. You’re here to be seen, heard, and cared for — especially by you.

7. Keep One Little Promise to Yourself Every Day

Big transformations start with tiny promises. So instead of trying to overhaul your whole life overnight, just keep one small promise to yourself each day.

Drink that glass of water. Go for a 5-minute walk. Speak one kind word to yourself in the mirror. Why?

Because when you keep promises to yourself, even tiny ones, you start building trust within. You show your inner self, “I’ve got you. I show up.” It’s not about pressure. It’s about consistency.

When you become someone you can count on, you start feeling safer in your own skin. And honestly, that’s what self-love really is — feeling like home to yourself.

8. Forgive Yourself for Believing the Lies

You believed you were unlovable? Not enough? Too messy, too loud, too weird? That wasn’t your fault.

You were taught that, directly or silently, and you survived the only way you knew how. But now, it’s time to let go of those old lies.

Not by hating yourself for ever believing them, but by forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for staying too long. For settling. For shrinking.

You didn’t fail — you were doing your best with what you knew. Now, you know better. Now, you get to choose love, softness, and truth.

The old story doesn’t get the last word. You do. And you’re rewriting it beautifully, one loving choice at a time.