Healing rarely turns out the way we expect. It indeed makes us better, more authentic, and more confident, but it often comes with its own set of struggles.
Sometimes, it feels like the more we grow, the more we rub people the wrong way.
If you’ve spent years people-pleasing, suddenly saying “no” and setting boundaries can spark confusion and resentment in other people.
The truth is, some people see your growth as a threat. It’s a problem for them when you’re no longer compliant and predictable.
So, yes, healing can sometimes make you into a jerk, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
1. You’re Expected to Stay the Same
Over the years, people in your life have gotten comfortable with a version of you they’ve known for years.
Healing sparks change that’s new and surprising for almost everyone; however, some people will see it as a problem more than others.
When you decide to heal and prioritize your well-being, it’s only natural to expect that you’d change your ways – that’s why you’re doing it!
When this happens, you might hear some people say that you’ve become someone different, and you’re no longer the person they once knew.
To them, your honesty and authenticity feel like betrayal.
However, their discomfort is their problem. It might feel strange and unfamiliar to you, too, but stick to your priorities.
2. Genuine Friends Will Adapt
True friends and loving family members are the ones who will eventually accept your boundaries and support your growth.
They understand that you’re not abandoning them but taking care of yourself.
These are the people who see your worth beyond how much you bend to their will. They won’t demand that you stay small.
Instead, once they’re used to the change, they’ll be happy that you’re prioritizing your healing and well-being.
Over time, they’ll appreciate your authenticity and see that your boundaries actually strengthen the relationship you have.
The people who don’t adapt are often the ones benefiting from your previous patterns.
3. New Boundaries Might Trigger Blame
Boundaries don’t come easily. It’s not easy to set them, and then see the strain that they put on your relationships.
And it’s not easy to be told you have to adjust your behavior. It’s understandable how sometimes they can make people feel like they’re not good enough.
That’s why, when setting new boundaries, you might get called mean and selfish.
That’s because they’re used to controlling or manipulating you, and your boundaries threaten that dynamic.
Instead of accepting that you’re simply prioritizing your mental health, they’ll try to guilt-trip you into compliance.
But compliance isn’t kindness, and it doesn’t define functional relationships.
Refusing to be a doormat isn’t being mean, and part of the healing journey is learning that the people who refuse to understand that don’t belong in your life.
4. The Power of Gradual Boundary-Setting
Changing how you relate to others isn’t an overnight thing.
You can’t sit all your loved ones down and give them a list of the things they can no longer do. The process is gradual, and it’s best to スモールスタート.
Then, slowly increase your limits as you get more comfortable.
You’re not punishing anyone by setting boundaries; you’re simply healing and learning to have better priorities.
It’s very important to be consistent and clear, or you’ll end up creating even more confusion.
When you’re deliberate, your boundaries become part of your authentic self, and not something you set in defense.
5. Creating Distance Where Needed
Healing will create physical or emotional distance from people who can’t handle your new boundaries.
That might mean spending less time with them or even cutting ties if necessary.
And this isn’t done out of punishment or any bad intent. There simply won’t be any more room for an unsupportive attitude in your life.
Those who challenge your limits are often the ones who benefit from your passivity.
Moving away from these people is a definitive sign of your new strength, since you’re no longer depending on them.
You don’t owe anyone access to your life, especially if they’re not respecting your choices.
6. Seek Those Who Support You
As you weed out the people who try to sabotage your healing, you’ll start to attract more genuine friends and partners – those who get it.
These are the people who don’t mind your boundaries because they don’t want something from you; they just want you in their lives.
It can feel lonely at first, but it’s definitely better to prioritize quality over quantity.
The right people will support you and help you stay committed to your boundaries.
With them, you’ll have a connection that doesn’t require you to sacrifice your needs.
7. Being Comfortable with Loneliness Is a True Sign of Healing
Feeling lonely during this process is a sign that you’re doing it right.
Staying in toxic or unsupportive relationships keeps you stuck, but choosing to stand on your own, despite the comfort, proves you’re healing.
And being by yourself really isn’t as bad as it sounds. It allows you to reconnect with yourself, your needs, and your values.
It can be a gift because it pushes you to find people who truly match your new lifestyle.
Over time, that solitude becomes strength, and the right relationships will come when you’re ready.
8. A New Relationship with Guilt
The real secret to healthy boundaries is how comfortable you are with guilt.
People who struggle to set boundaries tend to tuck their tail between their legs as soon as they get some pushback.
Toxic people in your life are almost guaranteed to guilt-trip you in order to force you to stay compliant, and giving in to this stunts your healing.
You’ll know you’re making significant progress when these attempts at making you feel guilty become obvious.
The quality of your relationships depends on your ability to stand your ground despite discomfort or guilt.
It makes us circle back to being alone. When you’re okay with it, you’re less desperate for approval, and other people have no choice but to respect that.
A little Aquarius, devoted to writing and embroidery. Through my writing, I hope to empower readers to align with their true selves and navigate life’s mysteries with confidence.