Narcissists generally don’t just pick the first person they encounter that they want to become involved with.
Rather, the traits a person possesses that meet the emotional needs of the narcissist and provide ego protection tend to attract them.
These traits may be positive qualities in the person, such as kindness or loyalty; however, these traits can be taken advantage of and used in an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
By understanding what traits narcissists typically gravitate toward, it will become easier for individuals to set healthy boundaries with a narcissist and notice patterns in the behavior much earlier.
The following are examples of common traits that narcissists typically appreciate in other people.
1. High Empathy
Narcissists are attracted to people who show empathy toward others. Empathy helps people understand, forgive, and support another person emotionally.
When this occurs, narcissists use empathy to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Instead, empathetic individuals may look for the good in other people, regardless of how poorly they have been treated.
Empathic individuals may be more likely to seek to understand how a narcissist feels rather than protect themselves. Therefore, narcissists often take advantage of empathetic people by receiving emotional support without taking accountability.
2. Strong Need To Please
Narcissists look for people who seek to be liked. People-pleasers have a strong desire to please and will often self-sacrifice.
Narcissists like being catered to and feel powerful when they can get people to change their behavior for them.
People-pleasers will overlook their own discomfort in order to create peace in a situation. This dynamic allows a narcissist to create control without showing overt force.
3. Low Boundaries
People without boundaries attract narcissists. Narcissists exploit the lack of defined boundaries if they want something from an individual.
They simply want what they want and push, demand, and take when the boundaries aren’t set clearly. Since those with low boundaries tend to be emotionally susceptible, it is very difficult for them to feel right telling someone “no.”
To narcissists, they have received permission to do whatever they want from someone who is unwilling to set limits. Having clear boundaries makes it difficult for a narcissist to exert control, while the lack of boundaries is attractive to the narcissist.
4. Self-Doubt
Narcissists have an easier time manipulating people who doubt themselves. The external validation they offer becomes more meaningful to someone with self-doubt, and the narcissist places themselves in a position of power over these individuals.
Narcissists then provide conditional approval of these individuals. Therefore, the individual becomes dependent on the approval of the narcissist. As a result, when someone experiences self-doubt, they will likely accept an inferior position.
They exploit the uncertainty created by an individual with self-doubt and use it to reaffirm their superiority while controlling the individual’s self-image.
5. High Loyalty
Narcissists enjoy the level of loyalty they receive because they are never left, even when they treat someone poorly; therefore, it gives them safety and consistency.
However, they don’t provide their loyalists with the same level of loyalty back. It gives them more than just security by having someone remain loyal to them while they are being harmed.
It provides them with a false sense of superiority and power over others by knowing a person will not easily leave their side.
6. Optimism
Optimists feel there will be an improvement in the situation; therefore, narcissists exploit this belief. Optimists will not confront or leave while they feel there is hope for change.
They may think, “Maybe they have changed,” and stay in an unhealthy situation longer than they should have because they are in denial.
Narcissists utilize positive thinking to create a cycle where they act in ways that appear to be improving, only long enough to lead a person away from confrontation or exit.
7. Conflict Avoidance
Narcissists can remain irresponsible when conflict-avoidant people do not hold them accountable.
Unresolved issues continue to exist, but conflict avoidance enables unhealthy behavior.
When confronted, narcissists are threatened because their authenticity is exposed and they can’t maintain their perceived self-image without peace; thus, they perceive compliant environments as safe ways to survive.
8. High Achievement Or Status
Narcissists like being associated with people who complement and elevate their self-worth. High achievers help to validate a narcissist’s ego and often reinforce how a narcissist perceives their own importance.
Narcissists enjoy taking credit, in some cases, for the achievements of a high achiever as a form of social currency.
They establish a transactional relationship with a high achiever where their admiration for the high achiever is based solely upon their performance. As a result, the narcissist receives the benefit of elevated importance without any real effort.
9. Forgiving Nature
Forgiveness is met with multiple opportunities. Narcissists exploit this trait to repeat and replicate conflicts without making any changes. Apologetic statements may have little depth but are often very successful.
The forgiving person puts cultivating a peaceful environment before changing repeated hurtful behaviors and patterns.
As a result, the cycle continues to repeat itself. Without accountability, forgiveness can give rise to enabling behavior towards the narcissistic person.
10. Emotional Availability
Emotional availability is about giving consistent emotional attention, while narcissism centers on taking that attention from others for personal emotional gain.
The emotional availability will give attention, support, and admiration to the narcissist without expecting anything in return.
The emotionally available person will eventually become drained of their resources due to the constant need to validate, support, and feed the narcissist. It is best to reevaluate your relationships if you start experiencing these red flags.
Born and raised in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Ever since I was a little girl, my imagination knew no bounds. I remember vividly how I’d scribble down short stories, each page bursting with adventures and characters conjured up from the whimsy of my mind. These stories weren’t just for me; they were my way of connecting with my friends, offering them a slice of my fantasy world during our playtimes. The joy and excitement on their faces as we dived into my fictional realms motivated me to keep writing. This early passion for storytelling naturally evolved into my pursuit of writing, turning a childhood hobby into a fulfilling career.