Spotting when someone is taking advantage of you isn’t always easy. The signs can be sneaky and hard to see, especially when we care about the person.
Learning to recognize these warning signals helps protect your feelings, time, and energy from people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
1. Conversations Always Circle Back to Them
Ever tried sharing good news only to have them quickly shift the topic to their own achievements? They nod impatiently while you speak, clearly waiting for their turn rather than truly listening.
Healthy relationships involve balanced exchanges where both people get to share and be heard. Someone who consistently redirects conversations to themselves shows little interest in your world or experiences.
Watch for those who ask surface-level questions about your life but never remember your answers, revealing they weren’t really paying attention in the first place.
2. Your Boundaries Get Trampled Repeatedly
You’ve explained multiple times that last-minute requests stress you out, yet their midnight texts asking for favors keep coming. When you finally say no, they respond with guilt trips or act hurt and offended.
Boundary-crossers often make you feel like you’re being unreasonable for having limits at all. They might use phrases like “I thought we were friends” or “I’d do it for you” to manipulate you into giving in.
Remember that people who truly value you will respect your boundaries without making you feel guilty for having them.
3. Favors Flow in One Direction Only
You’ve helped them move apartments twice, driven them to the airport at dawn, and fed their cat during vacations. Yet when you needed similar help, they were mysteriously busy or offered excuses rather than assistance.
Healthy relationships involve mutual support where both people contribute. Keep a mental note of who shows up for you when needed versus who only appears when they want something.
The occasional imbalance is normal in any relationship, but a consistent pattern of taking without giving signals someone who views you more as a resource than a friend.
4. Lavish Praise Before Requests
“You’re literally the best baker I know! Nobody makes cookies like yours… by the way, could you make five dozen for my office party tomorrow?” Sound familiar? Excessive flattery that arrives just before a favor request acts as a manipulation tool.
Users often butter you up with compliments to lower your defenses. They’ve learned that making you feel special increases the chances you’ll agree to their requests.
Genuine compliments come without strings attached. Be wary when praise feels strategic rather than sincere, especially when it’s followed by “so could you…?”
5. They Disappear During Your Tough Times
During your recent job loss, they were nowhere to be found. Your texts went unanswered for days while you struggled alone. Mysteriously, they reappeared once your crisis passed, offering hollow excuses for their absence.
Fair-weather friends show interest in sharing your good times but vanish during challenges. This selective availability reveals they value the benefits of your relationship without accepting its responsibilities. True connections involve standing together through both sunshine and storms.
Anyone consistently absent during your difficulties while present for your celebrations isn’t invested in your complete well-being.
6. They Only Call When They Need Something
Your phone lights up with their name after weeks of silence. Suddenly they need a ride, money, or emotional support during their crisis. When their problem is solved, they vanish again like morning fog.
Pay attention to these patterns. True friends maintain contact consistently, not just during emergencies. If you notice the relationship feels like a one-way street with you always giving and them always taking, this might be a red flag waving in your face.
Trust your gut feeling when it whispers that something feels off about the timing of their attention.
7. Your Accomplishments Get Downplayed
“That promotion? Well, they probably needed to fill the position quickly.” When someone consistently minimizes your achievements or finds ways to take the shine off your good news, pay attention.
Users often feel threatened when you succeed because your growing confidence might make you less susceptible to manipulation. They subtly undermine your self-esteem to maintain control in the relationship.
A genuine supporter celebrates your wins without reservation. They don’t need to dim your light to make theirs shine brighter, and they certainly don’t make backhanded compliments disguised as friendly observations.
8. Money Matters Always Favor Them
“I forgot my wallet again!” they announce after ordering the most expensive menu item. Somehow, they never repay the “small loans” they’ve borrowed, yet they remember exactly when you owe them money.
Financial one-sidedness often reveals someone’s true intentions. Watch for patterns like conveniently forgotten wallets, unpaid debts, or expectations that you’ll cover costs without discussion. Even more telling is how they react when you mention these imbalances.
Someone who genuinely respects you will acknowledge the situation and work to make things right, not deflect with excuses or make you feel petty for bringing it up.
9. They Know Your Weaknesses Too Well
Remember confiding about your fear of rejection? Now they subtly reference it whenever you hesitate to do something they want. “I thought you were working on being less afraid of putting yourself out there” becomes their response when you decline their requests.
Manipulators collect your vulnerabilities like trading cards, storing them away to play at strategic moments. They weaponize your insecurities to override your natural resistance to being used.
Healthy relationships involve respecting sensitive information shared in confidence, not exploiting it as leverage to get what they want from you.
10. Your Intuition Keeps Nudging You
That uneasy feeling in your stomach when they call isn’t happening without reason. Your brain picks up subtle cues your conscious mind might miss – inconsistencies in their stories, the tension you feel in their presence, or the emotional drain after spending time together.
We’re often taught to ignore these internal signals, dismissing them as paranoia or overthinking. Yet these feelings serve as your emotional immune system, detecting threats before they become obvious.
If spending time with someone consistently leaves you feeling depleted rather than energized, your intuition might be highlighting something your heart isn’t ready to acknowledge.
