Women are often conditioned to explain their decisions in order to spare others’ discomfort, conflict, or misunderstanding; over time, however, this conditioning has become a habitual response that can become exhausting.
By over-explaining their decision(s), women often lose confidence in themselves, and they open themselves up to unnecessary judgment from others.
It is a powerful act of self-respect and emotional freedom when women learn how to stop explaining themselves.
1. Explaining Yourself Invites Unnecessary Judgment
You may be explaining yourself too much. Providing excessive justification gives others the opportunity to evaluate your reasoning.
A choice has now become a debate on your reasoning and justification for making that choice, and not every person who interacts with you is entitled to that information. Clear choices do not need an endorsement.
Less justification reduces the likelihood of receiving criticism for making a choice.
2. You Are Not Responsible for Everyone’s Comfort
People usually want to explain things so that they maintain other people’s comfort level.
For a woman, this places an emotional burden on her that is not fair; she should not be required to conduct emotional labor to make sure that someone else likes her. Just because discomfort is being experienced does not mean she has to shrink herself.
Your job is to be truthful to another individual, and you are not required to be an emotional caretaker of others.
3. Over-Explaining Weakens Confidence
When you explain something in a longer way, it can cause people to think you are uncertain, even when you are sure.
The more concise an explanation, the more confidence you seem to have in your decision.
If you trust yourself enough, you do not need to present a long explanation to justify your choice. You can express calm confidence without a lot of detail.
4. Not Everyone Is Owed Access to Your Life
The notion of privacy means, typically, that some things about you are personal; you are the only person who knows what you are thinking or feeling, and you have not shared this information with others.
Since you are the one who is responsible for making decisions, and they are also made without giving any type of reasoning, your ability to protect your own emotional energy is accomplished through selective sharing.
When you stop providing rationale for your decisions by choosing not to share those details with other people, boundaries become more distinct.
5. Explaining Can Turn Boundaries Into Negotiations
When attempting to explain boundaries to someone, people often come back with an argument or discomfort about the boundaries you have outlined. Boundaries are not an invitation for further discussions.
The fewer words you use, the less likely someone will be able to find a way to argue against the boundary. If you have too many exceptions, it will be very easy for others to use that to push you to do things that would otherwise be unacceptable.
More importantly, having firm limits on your time and peace will give you the best opportunity for a happy, productive, and healthy life.
6. You Teach Others How to Treat You
The ongoing demand for frequent reasons will ultimately cause you to become overwhelmed by what was once a simple conversation/engagement method.
By keeping your answers brief and straightforward, you let others know that you are not going to overexplain yourself.
Be short and honest, so you provide clarity in your responses; people will develop a level of respect for your knowledge and experience. Thus, be as honest as possible in all of your conversations/engagements.
7. Men Are Rarely Expected to Explain This Much
Women generally have more emotional standards to uphold than men, creating a disparity and burden for women.
Recognizing this discrepancy can give women the strength to be themselves without having to go above and beyond for others in society.
As a first step in receiving equal treatment, creating equal boundaries is essential.
8. Explaining Keeps You Stuck in Self-Doubt
When you replay instances in your mind, it can lead to questioning yourself internally.
You may start second-guessing decisions that you have already made. In the same manner, when you don’t go back and replay those decisions, you build more trust in yourself.
Therefore, not explaining yourself and trusting your decisions builds self-confidence faster than any amount of reflection on the past.
9. Simple Answers Save Time and Energy
Long-winded explanations deplete both emotional and mental energy. Conversely, a straightforward response frees up space for meaningful issues.
When you conserve your focus and maintain your mental composure, you are more efficient, which is simply a way of practicing self-care, and you should not feel guilty when you act this way.
Longer responses use a lot of mental and emotional energy. If the responses are clear and simple, they allow more room for what’s really important. They allow you to conserve your focus and remain calm in your own mind.
10. You Are Allowed to Decide Without Permission
The most important thing for women to realize is that, as adults, they are not required to gain the consent or permission of anyone else to live their lives as they choose.
Even if no one else is aware of them, your reasons for making the choices you have made are valid. You have every right as an adult to make your own choices, and those decisions do not need to be made in agreement with another person.
When you begin to take ownership of the decisions you make, even if there is no one else around to validate them, you will begin to develop strength. When people stop seeking permission to do the things they want to do, they open themselves up to greater degrees of freedom.
Born and raised in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Ever since I was a little girl, my imagination knew no bounds. I remember vividly how I’d scribble down short stories, each page bursting with adventures and characters conjured up from the whimsy of my mind. These stories weren’t just for me; they were my way of connecting with my friends, offering them a slice of my fantasy world during our playtimes. The joy and excitement on their faces as we dived into my fictional realms motivated me to keep writing. This early passion for storytelling naturally evolved into my pursuit of writing, turning a childhood hobby into a fulfilling career.