Hushing The Inner Critic: 5 Powerful Self-Kindness Methods

We all know that voice in our head that is trying to protect or direct us in life, but sometimes, it can be a bit too harsh, telling us horrible things. This voice can cause guilt, low self-esteem, or anxiety.

How can we successfully quiet this voice down and practice self-kindness?

Inner Critic

由于 儿童, we have all witnessed people older than us scolding us and telling us what we did wrong. This voice of a parent or an older person in your life stays with you for a long time.

Sometimes, we create an inner critic who always warns us about things we do wrong, and sometimes these things are not even that bad.

We usually tell ourselves things like: ‘Why did you say that, it will make you look stupid?!’, ‘Why did you do that? Now everybody will laugh at you!’, ‘Stop acting like a fool!’, ‘Accept it that nobody likes you!’.

These sentences come to us quite randomly and they usually represent our subconscious mind.

What we subconsciously think about ourselves is what will be expressed through our words towards ourselves.

This inner critic can cause a lot of 伤害 to an individual because most things said have no base and are mostly untrue.

Also, if you are an intelligent person who has a highly developed thinking mind, it means your ego is more developed as well and your inner critic is harsher.

You see things that others may not notice, and this makes you 想太多 stuff and question every aspect of yourself – multiple times. You want to be perfect and you lose yourself in that pursuit.

However, there are several ways you can help yourself and calm the inner critic down.

Why Is Self-Kindness Important?

Self-kindness is important because it teaches us self-acceptance and self-love. If we are not kind to ourselves, we cannot grow and understand the core of our being and soul.

Self-kindness is a reason we feel better in our bodies and we learn how to 尊重 our character.

Imagine as if you were a small, delicate flower, and you only said terrible things to it, not taking care of it at all. It would begin to rot and look horrible. It would reflect the words you say. It is the same with you.

You reflect the words you say to yourself and you need 仁慈. If others can or cannot give it to you, it does not matter, because you are the only person whose opinion matters.

You need to be someone who 振奋人心 you and represents your safe space, your warm hug. After that, others will reflect that, too.

Signs Your Inner Critic Is Dominating Your Life

There are several 迹象 your inner critic is dominating your life. Here are the most common ones:

• When you meet someone new or you find yourself in unfamiliar situations, you become anxious and insecure.
• Your self-esteem is low and you do not see any positives about yourself.
• You put others before yourself and are a people-pleaser who does not know how to say ‘NO’.
• You mostly replay social situations in your head and think about how you could have acted differently or said different things.
• Your anxiety makes you lose sleep and causes insomnia.
• You usually feel overwhelmed by your routine, everyday tasks.
• There is a lingering feeling of loneliness even when you are with people.
• Others may annoy you and you are highly critical of them.

5 Successful Self-Kindness Methods

If you recognize yourself in the signs above and you realize you may have an inner critic who is dragging you down, here are powerful ways you can gain your control back and practice 自爱.

1. Ask Yourself The Most Important Question

The most important 问题 you can ask yourself is: ‘Would I treat a good friend like this if they were in this situation?‘.

This question is powerful as it lets us 客观地 look at ourselves and makes us realize how we would look from another person’s perspective.

We are just humans and we all make 错误. Nobody deserves to be scolded over and over again and you need to realize that you will never be perfect as well.

And that is okay. Just like we would not critique our good friend so much, we should not do it to ourselves, too.

2. Heal Your Inner Child

If you were an overly-criticized child who always had to listen to their parents complain about them, your inner critic is probably very dominant in your mind. In order to quiet it, you need to heal your inner child.

Imagine your child self in front of you and look at yourself from this perspective. Imagine hugging your younger self and telling them that it is okay. That they are perfect just the way they are.

This method will let you understand your younger self and calm your critic down. You will realize that you were just a child and that you did not deserve so much criticism.

Whenever you hear yourself criticizing your behavior or thoughts, imagine your child self and hold their hand.

This will help you understand how you are still learning and you are your own biggest comfort, not critic.

3. Recite Positive Mantras

Being loyal to a specific mantra is of crucial importance. This mantra should be uniquely yours. It should be a sentence that speaks to you deeply and that makes you feel calm and secure.

Many people use the following ones: ‘I am good enough.’, ‘I am not perfect, and that is okay.’, ‘I am learning and becoming better every day.’, etc.

These mantras will calm your mind and redirect your thoughts from criticism towards love and understanding.

This is why they are important. You can create your own mantra that speaks to you and that quiets down your inner critic.

4. Use Journaling To Disidentify With Your Inner Critic

Another powerful practice is to try and identify with your inner critic by 记事本. you can simply write down all the things your inner critic says and put them on a piece of paper.

Then, on the other side of the paper, write down the total 相反地 beliefs that are positive and, mostly true.

For example, if your inner critic says ‘I am not good enough‘, write it down, and on the next page write ‘I am more than good enough.‘

This will help you see yourself differently and identify with your inner critic. It will let you transform negative thoughts into positive ones and see your inner critic as someone separate from yourself, not someone who is a part of you.

5. Recognize What Triggers Your Inner Critic

If you find yourself in situations that are triggering your anxiety and creating thoughts of criticism, try to identify why.

For example, maybe your friend canceled your coffee date abruptly, and you immediately start listening to your inner critic who says: ‘Your friend is probably tired of you and wants to hang out with other people. You are a boring friend.‘

When in reality, your friend might have had an emergency at work and needed to cancel, but can’t wait to see you again.

This can create 混乱 in your head and it is important to recognize your inner critic and why it is triggered.

Maybe you had friends in the past who told you that you were boring and now you project that onto every friendship. It is important to identify triggers and realize that they are trying to sabotage you.

They usually have no connection with the current reality, they are simply ghosts 来自过去的。