Society usually sees teens as problematic, lazy, and disinterested. Yet, there are many mistakes that teens’ parents make that create these traits in their children.
It is challenging to deal with your kids becoming teens, but you should be aware of your actions and mistakes before you accuse them of being mischievous and lazy.
Here are the things you should not do if you want your teen to thrive.
Expecting Maturity Without Providing Proper Guidance
Many adults make the error of assuming that teenagers are automatically equipped to manage their responsibilities. Rather than teaching the skills that lead to maturity, many adults expect teenagers to be mature as soon as they start growing up.
While teenagers may appear “lazy,” they may actually feel confused, overwhelmed, or unsure where to start. When there is no guidance, structure, or explanation, teenagers tend not to take any action; forcing teenagers to work leads to depression.
Open dialogues about planning, organizing, or breaking a task into parts could make a significant difference. Coaching is a more effective way to develop a teenager’s motivation than placing pressure on them. Mentoring is much more effective than supervising a teenager.
Overloading Teens With Responsibilities They Aren’t Ready For
Many times adults put too many expectations on teens socially, academically, and at home (which also adds to their stress level). When this happens, teens often feel overwhelmed by all of these expectations and need to shut down.
It’s not that they lack the motivation to do what they want; rather, they lack the ability to cope with this type of stress.
Adults need to support their children by providing them with the proper balance (not by placing blame on them) and helping them establish a sense of priorities, alleviate unnecessary pressures, and distribute responsibilities fairly among their peers.
When adults have realistic expectations of teens, it allows them to create a sense of fulfillment in their lives.
Assuming Their Silence Means Disinterest
Most adults believe that teens are lazy or unmotivated because they are quiet; however, teens can be quiet for a variety of reasons, such as feeling exhausted, anxious, or fearful of being judged.
Teens also hide their feelings because they want to avoid disappointing the important adults in their lives, so when adults label their behavior as laziness, it creates a disconnect.
Instead of labeling, adults should ask open-ended questions to create an environment where discussion is possible. Once a teen feels listened to, they will typically have more motivation, effort, creativity, and initiative; therefore, emotional safety is the most effective motivator.
Micromanaging Instead of Allowing Independence
Control of every decision leads to young adults losing their confidence to live without fear; however, the reality of this is that it creates an environment where young people need to rely on their parents and authority figures for direction, rather than thinking for themselves.
The perception of laziness by adults is actually a very real situation where young adults have been taught how to act with “learned helplessness.”
When young people are given the opportunity to experiment and to make mistakes, they learn, grow, and develop their skills and abilities.
When guidance is provided without the implementation of control, young people will grow into independent young adults. Young people take greater pride in their achievements and, as a result, will become more responsible and self-driven.
Not Recognizing Their Struggles
The definition of “lazy” in adults may also represent depression, anxiety, burnout, and emotional overload that adults label as “disinterest.”
Teenagers have greater pressure than previous generations due to school and social expectations, as well as online comparisons and an uncertain future. All of these factors combine to cause teens to lose energy and motivation.
Consistently ignoring teens’ emotional struggles leads to further problems. Adults should look for mood changes, eating, and sleeping patterns, and respond to those changes with compassion, not criticism.
When teens know that their mental health is valued, they can work more productively. Recognizing emotional problems as signs of emotional struggle can help teens regain self-esteem by creating a supportive environment for their mental health.
Setting Unrealistic Standards Based on Adult Experiences
Adults don’t perceive how different the world is for teenagers today. Therefore, when they compare their teenage years to what it’s like for teenagers today, they will have unrealistic expectations.
Many adults push teenagers into meeting the outdated standard of being “tough,” thinking that being tough is what builds character.
However, this does not take into consideration the pressure that teenagers have in today’s world and will ultimately crush a teenager’s motivation.
Teens need to have goals set in the environment they are actually a part of, rather than by the way it used to be set in previous generations.
If adults create supportive expectations that align with the challenges teens face today, teens will feel supported and empowered. As a result, teens will strive for success in a positive, supportive environment.
Born and raised in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Ever since I was a little girl, my imagination knew no bounds. I remember vividly how I’d scribble down short stories, each page bursting with adventures and characters conjured up from the whimsy of my mind. These stories weren’t just for me; they were my way of connecting with my friends, offering them a slice of my fantasy world during our playtimes. The joy and excitement on their faces as we dived into my fictional realms motivated me to keep writing. This early passion for storytelling naturally evolved into my pursuit of writing, turning a childhood hobby into a fulfilling career.