Just a few decades ago, growing together as a couple was a given. People married young, often with very little to their name, and built their lives together step by step.
But right now, that mindset seems to be fading.
Young people now, at least those at the age where they enter committed relationships, don’t seem to have that kind of patience.
Instead, instant success and the “full package” seem to be a requirement from the start.
So, what happened, and why do young couples refuse to grow together nowadays?
Growing Together Was Natural and Rewarding
Back in the day, most couples understood that the best moments in life come from shared effort.
People married young, often broke, but they had big dreams and patience. Their willingness to support each other through tough times created a strong foundation of trust.
Witnessing each other’s progress, celebrating small successes, and working as a team made their bonds unbreakable.
No one expected perfection from the start; they had to grow and work together to build something real.
That process, though slow, made progress feel sweeter because two people earned it together.
Today, that kind of growth is shunned. Many young people expect their partner to be ready to offer them all they desire immediately.
Boss Babes vs. Manosphere
The online world is a mess, filled with countless polarized groups.
When it comes to relationships, the manosphere and similar movements for women are creating a lot of confusion for the younger generation.
These women, often in their 20s and early 30s, expect men their age to have the kind of success people achieve much later in life.
The men, on the other hand, respond to this by trying to deny feminism altogether and strip all rights from women.
Neither seems very concerned with mutual growth and overcoming hardships together.
Both are focused on unrealistic standards that don’t leave room for normal, gradual success.
Young Women Expect Men to Be Instantly Successful
I listened to a young woman explain what she expects from a man the other day, and she said that if he can’t provide the kind of life she wants right now, she doesn’t need him.
This kind of mindset has become an epidemic among young women.
It leads them to expect their partners to have it all figured out – career, finances, home – by the ripe age of 25!
But the reality is, a person who is barely out of college is not supposed to have it all together. It’s unreasonable to demand that kind of stability and wealth from someone so young.
Not to mention how transactional this view of relationships is!
Though someone might not have the exact type of car you want, or they can’t afford as many travels as you’d like, there’s no reason why that shouldn’t be possible in the future.
But couples must be willing to grow together.
Instant Gratification
It’s nothing new that we’ve got a huge problem on our hands when it comes to instant gratification; it seems to get harder and harder for us to resist.
The ability to delay gratification is among the first signs of maturity.
This lack of maturity leads young people to lose sight of the value of struggle. Real success comes from persistence and patience.
When you and your partner grow and build something together, it all becomes so much more meaningful.
Building a life together involves shared sacrifices and understanding.
If you’re only attracted to people who already have “the life,” you’re missing out on the beauty of mutual growth.
Shared Values Help You Get There
It’s common for young people to get fixated on immediate attraction and superficial qualities, but what truly matters is finding someone who shares your values.
Mutual attraction goes without saying, but it doesn’t make for a healthy relationship on its own.
It’s much easier to grow alongside another person and create a shared future when you both want the same thing.
I feel like these people who are only willing to get with someone who’s already got it all are afraid of choosing a partner who doesn’t share their vision for the future.
They’re afraid of never being able to achieve what they want, or that the other person might hold them back.
But somehow, instead of focusing on getting better at choosing good partners, they took the route of only being willing to settle with someone who’s already rich and successful.
Everyone’s Impatient
This attitude of “If he can’t provide it now, I’m out” is empty. It reduces love to materialism and leaves no room for genuine connection.
And don’t get me wrong – stability is important – but I don’t think it was ever supposed to drop into our laps! It’s something that a young couple has to earn together.
Success and growth take time, and truth be told, you can never enjoy another’s possessions like the ones you’ve also earned.
Relationships built on impatience and superficial standards tend to crumble quickly, hence the divorce rates.
The Value of Mutual Effort
The sweetest achievements in life come from the toughest challenges. I like to compare this to college work.
The toughest subjects that forced you to work your butt off in order to pass them are the ones you proudly remember, while the easy ones never even cross your mind.
When a couple endures hardships and grows through them together, it strengthens their relationship like nothing else.
Love that’s based on patience and support is more fulfilling because it’s real.
Each person needs time to succeed and develop, and choosing the right person who has real potential is key.
What’s the Future of Relationships Without Growth?
If young people continue to dismiss the value of growing together, relationships will continue to get more superficial.
This drive for instant success and unearned status leads to a generation that refuses to invest in anyone but themselves.
It leads to both relationships and success losing their value, because anything that we don’t have to work hard for inevitably does.
Thanks to all the progress humanity’s made, we now live longer than ever. So, why do we think that we must obtain it all in the first thirty years of our lives?
Good jobs and success can always be achieved later; good people are hard to come by. We need to get our priorities straight.
A little Aquarius, devoted to writing and embroidery. Through my writing, I hope to empower readers to align with their true selves and navigate life’s mysteries with confidence.