Why do we lie to ourselves?
And how come we’re so good at it that, sometimes, we don’t even notice it?
Usually, self-deception occurs on a subconscious level. So, it takes mindfulness and self-reflection to analyze it thoroughly. Still, there are benefits to self-deception to consider.
Let’s peel away the layers and do a little digging.
Why Do We Lie to Ourselves?
Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we lie to ourselves all the time. But why?
Breaking it down, it’s pretty much impossible to be completely honest.
Everyone creates their reality. Everyone’s reality is the truth.
When two realities intertwine, they’re equally right and wrong.
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
– Oscar Wilde
Sometimes, it helps to avoid the harsh truth to preserve peace and harmony.
And other times, it boils down to avoiding responsibility.
So, here are a few common reasons why we lie to ourselves:
- We lie to ourselves because it gives us control and power.
- We lie to justify our actions or our inaction.
- We lie to ourselves to protect the ego.
- We lie because it’s an easy way to manage stress.
- We lie to convince ourselves to believe a false narrative.
Everyone has different motivations, though.
And they usually occur without us consciously realizing it.
Either way, it’s a convenient way to deceive the mind and therein ourselves.
We tell ourselves someone loves us even if we know they don’t.
We tell ourselves we deserve a raise even though we know we’re not putting in the work.
We spin these lies and, little by little, create a twisted perception of reality.
And that’s why it’s crucial to master the art of self-deception.
5 Subtle Signs You’re Lying to Yourself
Self-created lies are tricky to spot. But not impossible.
You can dispel the illusions and see through them with just a little effort.
It takes self-reflection, though. So, be willing to look within for answers.
1 • You Lie to Protect Your Self-Image
One of the most common reasons people lie is, of course, to protect their self-image.
We deceive and persuade others through self-deception, too.
It’s much easier to lie if you believe in the lie yourself. It gets better results.
So, if you do something immoral and tell yourself you did the right thing, again and again, eventually, you’ll believe in it. The brain is capable of perceiving contradictions as truth.
And that is power. It’s one of the most powerful coping mechanisms we have.
You steal something once, twice – and still have the power to tell (and convince) yourself that you’re not a thief. That you wouldn’t do such an awful thing, even though you did it.
Mindfulness and introspection are needed to spot these lies before they evolve.
Still, sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with lying to protect yourself.
But when that lie creates a false clear conscience, things can spiral out of control.
2 • You Lie to Escape the Harsh Truth
Truth is often thorny and painful. Lying is a convenient way to parry the blow.
And we’ve gotten so good at lying that it’s practically effortless.
It’s the perfect defense mechanism to warp the truth into a more carefree reality.
Maybe you want to feel better about something you did. Perhaps you’re afraid of facing the consequences of your actions. Or maybe you don’t want to believe you’re flawed.
Either way, it’s easy to manipulate reality through self-deception.
Now is the perfect time for inner work.
Face and overcome one lie and you’ll find the strength to keep going.
3 • You’re Hardwired to Fear Change
Change is often scary. It’s the unknown, and we’re terrified of it.
But growth is what happens when you step out of your comfort zone.
We often lie to ourselves by making promises we know we won’t keep.
You don’t feel like it today, so you’ll do that thing tomorrow, right? Right?
Don’t make big promises. Start small. Learn to trust yourself again.
It’s much easier to stay on the right track when taking baby steps, not leaps.
4 • You Never Admit to Being Wrong
Some people rarely, if ever, admit to being wrong. They’re always right – always.
Usually, it boils down to thinking (which isn’t true, by the way) that being wrong equals being weak or, God forbid, stupid. But admitting it is synonymous with intelligence.
It means you can adjust your perspective, accept the truth, and grow.
Every time you’re wrong about something, you’re actually learning something new.
And that’s always a positive. So, open your mind to shift and correct your mindset.
5 • You’re Detached From Your Emotions
Sometimes, self-deception occurs when we aren’t listening to our emotions.
Sweeping them under the rug always has long-term consequences.
Sure, the mind can withstand a lot of strain and pressure, but emotions always bubble up to the surface, no matter how deep you push them down. It’s just a matter of time, really.
And lying to yourself not only delays the inevitable – but makes it harder to endure.
So, connect to your emotions. Let them flow naturally as you restore inner peace and embrace the truth. Little by little, you can recognize these lies and flush them out.
Painting and writing – these are two passions that I have been perfecting for a decade.