It happens often that someone has a very particular kind of person they’re into, but those very people rarely feel the same about them.
This can be quite a blow to the ego, and it leads us to spiral into wondering what’s wrong with us.
But this issue goes beyond physical attraction and shared interests. At their core, our subconscious notions of “type” hold us back.
Let’s see why that happens and what we can do about it.
The Myth of the One
Most of us grew up with the idea that there’s this one, perfect person out there, and when we find them, everything will come into place.
However, life rarely plays out exactly as we imagined.
Our type is not only tied to someone’s physical appearance and hobbies – it’s a collection of subconscious ideas about what’s right or wrong for us.
And this is problematic because clinging to this idea of the perfect person makes us overlook people who could actually be a great match.
Sometimes, “the one” is just a comfort zone, and not necessarily the best fit.
Being too rigid about your type can blind you to potential connections that could actually turn out to be better for you.
Out of Your League?
Many of us tend to date within a certain range, and we’re so rarely willing to compromise on that.
There are a few explanations behind this, but I’d argue it’s simply a part of our biology. We’ve evolved to make judgments based on the surface-level things that we can quickly pick up on.
So, what if your type is really out of your league?
By this, I don’t mean better or more worthy, but what if you’re unconsciously going after people you know won’t actually be interested in you?
This is usually due to some self-esteem issues which make you believe you’re no good, so you go after people who are sure to reject you, in an attempt to prove yourself right.
This keeps you stuck in a vicious cycle, in which you keep missing or ignoring numerous people who genuinely like you.
Self-Sabotage
Do people who match your type mostly end up being emotionally or otherwise unavailable?
It’s important to pay attention to your patterns because they can reveal the real issues that we can’t always recognize in a straightforward way.
Always going after the wrong people feeds into a pattern of self-sabotage, and maybe even the belief that you don’t deserve love.
Sometimes, it’s due to issues like a fear of intimacy, abandonment issues, or low self-esteem.
When you type includes unavailable partners, it’s a red flag that suggests something inside you needs attention.
Fixating only on this particular kind of person keeps you perpetually disappointed and lonely.
What Is a Type Anyway?
Your type is essentially an idea of the ideal person, subconsciously shaped by your experiences and beliefs.
You can’t change it by flipping a switch; you must dive deep into what drives your attraction.
Sometimes, what you think you want is not what you need. For instance, many people are attracted to drama and chaos, since they mimic unresolved issues from the past.
These are the people who look for explosive chemistry, which is the first sign of a relationship that won’t have much peace.
So, it’s important to explore why you’re attracted to certain traits and whether those traits serve your happiness.
Inner Issues
So, the biggest obstacle to finding love is often our own inner world.
Issues like low self-esteem and unmet emotional needs can make us unconsciously seek out the types of people who mirror our insecurities.
For example, people who feel unworthy might reinforce those beliefs by dating people who treat them poorly.
It’s crucial to address these inner issues.
When you heal and work on your confidence, your subconscious preferences shift, and you find yourself seeking healthier, more compatible partners.
The Power of Self-Reflection
If your type just can’t see to work out, self-reflection can help.
Try to notice your patterns, explore what really draws you to those kinds of people, and where these preferences actually come from.
Sometimes, your definition of what’s attractive and desirable needs an update.
By doing this inner work, you stop repeating subconscious patterns and you start making conscious decisions.
It makes it easier to attract the right type of people.
Can You Actually Change Your Type?
The idea of changing the type of person you’re attracted to can sound intimidating or even impossible.
However, when you expand your awareness, you’ll find that the shift comes naturally.
When you’re aware of the reasons behind what you find attractive, you gain the power to choose differently.
You don’t need to force your instincts to change.
When you understand them better and release your fears, they’ll change on their own.
Love Starts Within
People who fit your current type might be rejecting you because you’re actually ready to evolve.
Your inner wounds are ready to be addressed, you’re developing self-love, and you’re slowly becoming aware of your patterns.
The right match for you might not tick all the boxes, but they’ll be good for you and make you feel wonderful about yourself.
Your type is a reflection of your inner world, and as you heal and change, certain kinds of people will no longer be attracted to you.
You focus on your growth and happiness, and love will eventually follow.
A little Aquarius, devoted to writing and embroidery. Through my writing, I hope to empower readers to align with their true selves and navigate life’s mysteries with confidence.