The expectations we have for our partners should be high. We have to make sure that the people we allow so close are worthy and good for us.
However, men and women are wired differently, so expecting your man to be there for you in the exact same way as your girlfriends isn’t always ragionevole.
Sometimes, your partner isn’t meeting your emotional needs. Other times, it’s your own expectations that are the problem.
Here are 7 things you shouldn’t burden your man with.
1. He Can’t Understand You Like Your Bestie Can
Your girlfriends have experienced many of the things you have, and this is why they’re able to understand you so well.
They pick up on the emotional nuance of your stories.
Men, on the other hand, listen through a different lens. Expecting your man to understand you exactly like your friends do is unreasonable because your esperienze di vita are different.
It’s not that he doesn’t care, but he simply processes emotions differently.
Expecting him to fully grasp the depth of your emotional world is setting yourself up for disappointment.
In the same manner, you might not be able to understand where he’s coming from every time, either.
Accept that you have your differences, even though you love each other.
2. You Don’t Need to Share Everything with Him
He doesn’t have to know every single thought and doubt that goes through your head. You might think that’s intimacy, but it’s not.
It’s actually called emotional dumping. You pass your burdens onto someone else unnecessarily.
True, healthy closeness requires boundaries and knowing what and when should be shared between you.
Some things you can handle on your own, especially if it’s something no one else can help with anyway.
E' not your therapist, he’s your partner. He shouldn’t have to carry your entire emotional load.
Keep some things private; your relationship will thank you.
3. He Won’t Be Interested in Everything You Like
You know how you couldn’t care less that Real Madrid lost 2:1 to Bayern the other day?
Just like that, your partner doesn’t care about every little thing that lights you up. Expecting him to be as excited as you about buying skincare products on sale is just unnecessary.
It’s enough that he’s supportive and gives you space to enjoy the things you love. That’s normal, and it’s what you should expect.
His not engaging with your hobbies doesn’t mean he’s not invested in the relationships. He’s interested in you, but not every little thing you like to do in your free time.
4. He Won’t Enjoy Analyzing the Relationship with You
Many women like to dissect every word, and when we gather with friends, we might discuss someone’s exact choice of words, their tone, their context…
We’re very orientato ai dettagli, but most men simply aren’t wired that way.
Expecting your partner to do that will look to him like you’re trying to start an argument. It might come off as interrogation.
Overanalyzing can create unnecessary tension.
Sometimes, you just have to accept that he won’t interpret your subtle cues and speak openly.
Not every interaction is meant to be a puzzle; very often, people meant things exactly as they said them.
5. Love Doesn’t Mean 24/7 Emotional Availability
Emotional closeness is a given in relationships, but personal time and space are just as important.
Being emotionally available doesn’t mean you’re at someone’s beck and call all hours of the day. Expecting that your partner won’t get overwhelmed with that is just silly.
All you’ll end up doing is smothering him and yourself.
You have your friends there to overshare with; that’s the beauty of friendship.
With your partner, you need balance.
If he’s there for you when it matters, if he’s emotionally available in general, then that’s great.
Don’t overload each other with emotional needs. It ruins relationships.
6. He Can’t Be Your Village
Esther Perel spoke about modern couples expecting too much of each other, and she’s on point.
Back when we lived in larger communities and when several generations lived under one roof, we had a whole village of people to turn to.
There were people you could ask to do house maintenance, and people to go to for advice, people you could gossip with over morning coffee, and then, there was your partner.
Now, since we prefer to live more privately, we keep expecting our partners to replace the whole village, which is impossible.
One person can’t be your lover, and your confidant, and your fun friend, and your therapist…
It’s crucial to have a good support network outside of your relationship. That way, expectations and boundaries can stay intact.
The relationship becomes something you both enjoy, and not a burden.
7. Your Words Matter Less Than How You Make Him Feel
A healthy relationship requires two people who are willing to do their best ogni giorno.
You can’t come annoyed and irritated to each other, and expect things to work well just because you occasionally exchange I love yous.
The way you make your partner feel matters a lot more than what you say to him.
If your actions and attitude leave him feeling overwhelmed and unloved, then you’re missing the mark.
Even when you have good reasons to be irritable, mutual respect needs to be a priority. If you’re not up for spending time together, rather stay home and rest than bring him down, too.
You can say the nicest words, but if you make him feel like he’s not enough day after day, none of it matters.
A little Aquarius, devoted to writing and embroidery. Through my writing, I hope to empower readers to align with their true selves and navigate life’s mysteries with confidence.