Narcissists do not pick their victims randomly. They look for people with certain characteristics, and if you possess some of them, you need to be careful who you let into your inner circle.
You may not be able to change some of these characteristics, but you can be more observant and protective of your peace.
They usually feed on good people, and sometimes being too good can cost you.
They Look for People Who Overgive
Narcissists are attracted to people who tend to give more than they receive. Narcissists look for people who are generous with their time, emotions, and support, as overgiving makes manipulation easier.
The overgiver compromises their needs to keep the peace, and the narcissist looks for that compromise and takes advantage of it. They recognize when someone has a pattern of putting other people’s needs before their own.
Overgivers give off warm energy, and narcissists pretend to appreciate it and immediately drain it. The narcissist sees your kindness as an open door and uses flattery or attention to enter.
Once they are inside, they begin to push boundaries, which will ultimately exhaust the other person. Just recognizing this pattern can help you manage your energy (and space) when you understand the importance of balance.
They Target People Who Avoid Conflict
Narcissists love individuals who do not want to engage in confrontation because it gives them the opportunity to do what they want without consequences.
If you are someone who avoids conflict or remains quiet in the name of peace, you are an easy target for narcissists because they know you will be unlikely to call them on their lies, manipulation, or emotional mind games.
On a deeper level, people who avoid conflict have pain and trauma from their childhood linked to instability or chaotic emotional upheaval. What a narcissist will do is (intentionally or not) create situations that make you feel too afraid or guilty to speak up.
Over time, the narcissist uses your avoidance of conflict to gain more and more power over you. Recognizing that conflict avoidance is a trauma response is important for you because it helps you understand why they chose you, and it gives you information on how to get your voice back.
They Seek Empaths and Highly Sensitive People
Narcissists are drawn to empaths because they thrive on constant emotional supply. That’s the basic nature of a narcissist: they want, they expect, and they pursue affection without having to reciprocate.
Empaths feel very deeply, understand pain intimately, and in their hearts and souls, they want to heal. An empath can listen endlessly, comfort, provide support, and is quick to forgive.
Spiritually, the empath works as an open channel to their light and love, which draws narcissists in, like moths to a flame. A narcissist confuses an empath’s compassion for weakness.
Empaths will then automatically try and “fix” the narcissist, believing love can change or heal unhealthy behaviors, while the narcissist uses that as leverage.
They Prefer People With Low or Unsteady Self-Esteem
Narcissists typically do not pick confident, grounded, and self-possessed individuals. They will look for people who have shaky self-worth because narcissists know they will be much easier to manipulate.
If you have trouble believing that you deserve more, a narcissist senses it from the beginning. They will engage in love bombing, which feels validating and intoxicating.
After you have invested your emotional energy into the narcissist, they will start to incorporate manipulation and control, criticism, and inconsistency. Narcissistic individuals exploit hurt people’s wounds to become the giver of affection and validation and to later inflict pain on them.
Taking a step back and helping you become more aware of this process is meant to guide you to heal your self-worth so you stop accepting anything less than being loved fully.
They Test Boundaries Early
Narcissists start further manipulation by watching how you respond to minor boundary breaches. They might send you a text at an unreasonable hour, ask you to share too much too soon, share very personal things, or make undesirable jokes.
These acts of boundary-breaking reveal whether you will tolerate more serious violations that will take place down the line. You’ll brush it off, minimize it, or give them a second chance. They see you as a person who can be manipulated into what they want.
Spiritually, boundaries signal your relationship to self-respect. Before a narcissist commits to you, they will first test your boundaries. If your “no” isn’t firm, they will act quickly.
Understanding these subtle tests helps you leverage their red flags long before anyone gets hurt.
They Look for People Who Want to Be Chosen
Narcissists intentionally seek out people who desire connection, partnership, or validation. They know you want to be chosen, romantically or emotionally, and they leverage your desire to create instant chemistry.
Outwardly, narcissists will consciously mirror your dreams, interests, and values in order to make you feel like they are “perfect” for you. This false connection is their most powerful weapon against you.
On a spiritual level, wanting to be chosen stems from a place of longing, and narcissists pick up on that longing like a radar. The more you seek validation externally, the more you make yourself vulnerable to the narcissists around you.
When you choose yourself first, your power becomes invisible to those who rely on you to be vulnerable in order to control you.
Born and raised in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Ever since I was a little girl, my imagination knew no bounds. I remember vividly how I’d scribble down short stories, each page bursting with adventures and characters conjured up from the whimsy of my mind. These stories weren’t just for me; they were my way of connecting with my friends, offering them a slice of my fantasy world during our playtimes. The joy and excitement on their faces as we dived into my fictional realms motivated me to keep writing. This early passion for storytelling naturally evolved into my pursuit of writing, turning a childhood hobby into a fulfilling career.