Ever wonder why some people navigate life’s ups and downs with such grace? Those with emotional intelligence have mastered the art of understanding feelings – both their own and others’.
They’ve developed habits that help them maintain healthy relationships and personal well-being.
Let’s explore what these emotionally savvy folks avoid doing in their daily lives.
1. Play the Blame Game
When things go south, emotionally intelligent people resist pointing fingers at others. They know that blame is like emotional hot potato – nobody wants to hold it, but someone always gets burned!
Instead of accusing others, they take ownership of their part in any situation. They ask, “What could I have done differently?” rather than “Who messed this up?”
This accountability isn’t about beating themselves up either. It’s about recognizing that growth happens when we own our mistakes and learn from them, not when we’re busy constructing elaborate blame shields.
2. Bottle Up Their Feelings
Emotionally intelligent folks don’t treat their feelings like unwelcome houseguests, locking them in the emotional basement and pretending they aren’t there. They understand that emotions are like those party poppers – keep them compressed too long and BOOM! Unexpected explosion at Grandma’s birthday party.
They acknowledge feelings as they arise, giving them appropriate space and expression. Even the uncomfortable ones get a seat at the table.
This doesn’t mean dramatic outbursts at every turn. Rather, it’s about processing emotions in healthy ways – talking it out, writing it down, or sometimes just having a good cry in the shower.
3. Dismiss Others’ Feelings
“It’s not that big a deal” or “You’re overreacting” are phrases you’ll never hear from the emotionally intelligent crowd. They understand that emotions aren’t logical math problems with right or wrong answers – they’re personal experiences that deserve respect.
When someone shares feelings, these emotional wizards listen without judgment. They don’t rush to fix, minimize, or one-up with their own stories.
They’re like emotional archaeologists, carefully excavating beneath surface feelings to understand the deeper meaning. “That sounds really frustrating” replaces “Well, you should just…” in their vocabulary, creating space where others feel truly heard.
4. Live in the Past
The rearview mirror of life gets only occasional glances from emotionally intelligent people. They don’t set up permanent camp in Regretville or spend their days excavating old hurts like archaeological digs.
Sure, they visit the past to collect lessons, not to vacation there indefinitely! They understand that yesterday’s weather report doesn’t help you dress for today’s conditions.
When memories of that embarrassing presentation or failed relationship surface, they acknowledge them without letting these ghosts haunt their present. “That happened, and it taught me something,” they think, before turning their attention back to the now – where life actually happens.
5. Seek External Validation
Emotionally intelligent people aren’t constantly refreshing their life’s social media feed, counting likes and comments to determine their worth. Their self-esteem isn’t a democracy – it doesn’t depend on popular vote!
They’ve built an internal approval system that stands strong regardless of outside opinions. Compliments are appreciated, not desperately needed; criticism is considered, not catastrophic.
This doesn’t mean they’re immune to feedback – they just don’t base their entire identity on it. They’re like those self-watering plants that can thrive even when external attention runs dry, drawing nourishment from their own well-developed roots of self-awareness and personal values.
6. Avoid Difficult Conversations
While most people treat uncomfortable conversations like dental appointments (necessary but dreaded and postponed), emotionally intelligent folks face them head-on. They don’t let issues fester until they become emotional infections requiring major surgery!
Armed with “I” statements instead of accusatory finger-pointing, they navigate these discussions with the finesse of a diplomat. “When this happened, I felt…” replaces “You always make me feel…” in their communication toolkit.
The magic happens because they approach these talks with curiosity rather than combat readiness. They’re not trying to win arguments – they’re trying to understand perspectives and find solutions that honor everyone’s needs.
7. Participate in the Gossip Olympics
Emotionally intelligent people don’t collect other people’s secrets like trading cards or use someone’s misfortune as lunchtime entertainment. They know gossip is like emotional junk food – temporarily satisfying but ultimately leaves you feeling gross.
When the conversation shifts to who-did-what territory, they either gently redirect or excuse themselves. Not in a holier-than-thou way – they just understand the corrosive effect gossip has on trust and community.
Fun fact: Studies show gossip actually activates the brain’s reward centers, making it literally addictive! But emotionally intelligent folks get their dopamine hits from building people up, not tearing them down – a much healthier long-term strategy.
8. Lose Their Cool in Public Meltdowns
We’ve all witnessed the adult equivalent of a toddler tantrum – someone completely losing it over a minor inconvenience. Emotionally intelligent people? They don’t star in these viral-worthy moments.
This doesn’t mean they never feel frustrated when the barista gets their order wrong or someone cuts them off in traffic. They just have a buffer zone between feeling an emotion and acting on it – what psychologists call the “pause button” technique.
In that magical pause, they ask: “Will this matter tomorrow? Is my reaction proportional? What’s actually happening here?” This prevents the classic case of emotional hijacking, where our primitive brain takes the wheel and drives us straight into Regretville.
9. Hold Grudges Like Treasured Heirlooms
Some people collect resentments like rare stamps, carefully preserving every slight and insult. Emotionally intelligent folks? They practice the art of letting go before bitterness takes root and grows into a forest of resentment.
They understand forgiveness isn’t about excusing bad behavior or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about freeing themselves from the emotional prison of holding grudges.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,” goes the famous saying. Emotionally intelligent people know this wisdom firsthand. They choose to release grudges not because others deserve forgiveness, but because they deserve peace.
10. Ignore Their Emotional Warning Systems
Emotionally intelligent people don’t treat their feelings like those car dashboard warning lights we all pretend not to see. They recognize emotions as valuable data points, not inconvenient interruptions to be ignored or suppressed.
Feeling anxious before a meeting with a particular colleague? Instead of dismissing it, they might ask, “What’s this anxiety telling me about this relationship?” Emotions are their internal GPS, offering guidance about what needs attention.
This emotional awareness doesn’t make them slaves to their feelings – quite the opposite! By acknowledging emotions early, they prevent those feelings from escalating into full-blown emotional hurricanes that devastate their mental landscape and relationships.
