Many people misunderstand anxiety and think others experiencing anxiety may be “overwhelmed” or “misunderstood.” Some of the phrases used to try to comfort and support someone who is experiencing anxiety can make the situation worse.
Even though these phrases are usually not meant to be hurtful and typically have the intention of providing comfort or a quick fix to resolve the situation, anxiety does not always respond to logical thinking or simple reassurance.
In these types of situations, how you communicate your message will significantly impact how they feel. Just by making minor adjustments to the way you communicate, you will greatly alter how they will perceive the way you support them.
1. “Just Calm Down.”
Telling someone to calm down does not help but instead makes them feel worse. People cannot just “turn off” their anxiety very quickly.
The phrase may make someone feel unheard and make them feel like their reaction is a choice (it isn’t).
Instead of coming to help, this may cause an increase in anxiety and stress. A better method is to just be with them and provide support without wanting them to change. (Calmness will occur over time.)
2. “You’re Overreacting.”
The phrase above can come across as belittling because it implies that the other person’s feelings are invalid.
For someone who has anxiety, the way that they feel is very different from reality, and if you say this, you begin to create a gap between the two of you and lessen the amount of trust that person has in you, thus making them less likely to share with you again.
An individual’s reaction to a situation may feel extreme to us, but it is a valid experience, just as it would be for anyone else experiencing the same thing. Instead of downplaying an individual’s experience, you should validate what they are saying.
3. “It’s All In Your Head.”
People experiencing anxiety may feel invalidated when they hear this statement because of the way it’s said.
People can experience anxiety in many different ways, and the experience of anxiety is real to that person.
Anxiety affects both the mind & body, and understanding this helps create a connection between two people. Offering positive support rather than using this type of statement will help much more.
4. “Just Think Positive.”
While being positive can be effective in some cases, it does not solve anxiety issues. This statement may seem simplistic and imply that the individual isn’t working hard enough.
It can add pressure and make an individual feel like they are not succeeding.
Instead of telling someone to think positively, it is better to provide an empathetic ear and understanding. Support is more beneficial than being forced to be positive.
5. “Other People Have It Worse.”
It’s not helpful to compare experiences. By comparing themselves to others, they may feel guilty for having the emotion they feel.
Someone saying, “There are people who have it worse than you,” does not diffuse how you feel but may make you feel even more invalidated.
Every person experiences their own unique circumstances. Instead of comparing, it is more beneficial to acknowledge what the person is going through.
Support should be on trying to understand the person, rather than making a comparison. This will create a safer environment for communication.
6. “There’s Nothing To Be Afraid Of.”.
Anxiety is not always logical; even when there are no logical reasons to be anxious, anxiety is still experienced.
Although this phrase may provide some comfort, it can also be seen as somewhat invalidating; someone telling me I have nothing to fear does not provide any validation to my feeling of fear.
Therefore, acknowledging the feeling is the best way to deal with anxiety; understanding the feeling of anxiety lessens the “power” of that feeling.
7. “You Just Need To Relax.”
A person suffering from anxiety may have difficulty relaxing. This may sound nice and comforting, but it can create added pressure on that individual.
It implies that the answer to all their thoughts is simple. The act of being anxious creates difficulty in relaxing. Just asking someone to relax does not help them deal with their underlying anxiety.
They will feel like they are failing. Providing a calming presence and/or simple support may be more beneficial to them than telling them to relax. As pressure is reduced, relaxation will be achieved naturally.
8. “Why Are You Like This?”
This question can feel incredibly judgy. It may imply that the individual is to blame for their anxiety, which can lead to greater feelings of shame or self-doubt.
No one makes the choice to be anxious; therefore, asking them the above question does not provide support but rather offers an opportunity for them to retreat from the conversation and emotionally separate themselves from you.
A more effective way to offer assistance is to ask, “How can I help?” Doing so will express your concern for the individual while still being nonjudgmental.
9. “You’re Fine.”
The phrase may be comforting, but it gives the impression that there is no real issue to be dealt with. The feeling of anxiety is a very real feeling, just not something that is often seen by others.
Saying “You’re fine” may suggest to the anxiety-prone person that others do not understand them, therefore diminishing the trust of the person experiencing anxiety.
On the other hand, acknowledging that person’s experience would help them feel better about themselves. Even the simple act of recognizing someone who is struggling with anxiety can have a significant impact on reducing the anxiety that they may feel on a daily basis over time.
10. “Just Get Over It.”
Telling someone with anxiety to “get over it” ignores the complex experience, as well as downplays the support that anxiety typically requires.
This type of phrasing could leave them feeling isolated or unsupported and does not provide any opportunity for the person to progress in their recovery.
Instead, offering supportive patience and an empathetic ear is what the person recovering from anxiety needs and ultimately will create a better bond between both people.
Ultimately, an understanding of anxiety and the methods to support the recovery process requires an investment of time.
Born and raised in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Ever since I was a little girl, my imagination knew no bounds. I remember vividly how I’d scribble down short stories, each page bursting with adventures and characters conjured up from the whimsy of my mind. These stories weren’t just for me; they were my way of connecting with my friends, offering them a slice of my fantasy world during our playtimes. The joy and excitement on their faces as we dived into my fictional realms motivated me to keep writing. This early passion for storytelling naturally evolved into my pursuit of writing, turning a childhood hobby into a fulfilling career.